Category: Writers Block
Disclamor:These characters are mine.
Summary:Olivia is an 18 year old prostitute who feels as though she’s doing something worthwhile.
She meets someone who will change her train of thought, forever.
Chapter 1. The Nightshift.
My name’s Olivia Price, and I’m 18 years old. I know I’m young, but I started my line of work young.
I was born in Washington d.c to parents who didn’t really care.
They gave me the necessitys, but nothing more. They never truly loved me.
After 11 years of this, I ran away from home. I think they were glad of it.
For a year I’d wonder the streets of Washington, doing odd jobs here and there.
When I’d get money, I’d go from place to place, from Nebraska to Kentucky. Trying to find a place for my own.
In the end, I found that New Mexico suited me.
I started prostitution when I was twelve.
I didn’t know what else to do at the time, and I was stupid.
Ever since, I felt as though I were in a whirlpool that was dragging me to an ocean of death.
Part of me wanting to leave, part of me wanting to stay in the shallows of my life.
So, I chose the ladder. Doing my line of work some days, not doing it on others.
I prefer to work at night.
I love the way the moon looks with the stars shimmering brightly in the sky.
So, tonight I’m standing beneath the stars, when a car pulls up.
I put on a smile and walk towards the drivers side window.
A tall, muscular man leands out. His face looks hard as a rock.
But when he smiles, he looks like the father I never knew.
He’s about 6 foot 6, and weighs about 190. Very well built.
“Wana ride?” he asks me, opening the passenger door for me.
I smile and say thanks.
After driving a ways he turns to me and asks, “Wana have some fun?”
I nodd, and he hands me 100 dollars.
I usually don’t charge that much, but didn’t bother to ask how much. Any amount would do.
We arrived at a Victorian style house with gothic looking windows and dorrs.
The lawn was moed to perfection, and his house looked like an actor’s.
“What’s your name?” I asked him. “John.” He replied.
“I’m Olivia.” I said smiling.
“Such a pretty name for such a pretty girl.” He said.
Then added, “I mean that.” I blushed a little.
I’d been called many things, but never pretty, much less by a man.
We went to his bedroom where a king sized bed awaited us.
After undressing, we lay there kissing each other anywhere and everywhere.
With out warning I took his hardening cock in to my mouth, sucking and licking it.
Then, I thrust it deeply in to me.
In and out, faster then slower, orgasms rippling through both of us.
Adrenolin was coursing through our veins, and it matched the pounding of our hearts and breathing.
After it was done, I left his house. Not noticing the black coal like eyes watching me from the darkness.
Chapter 2. The Spy.
I saw them from the darkness of the night, John and Olivia, doing what they did.
It disgusted me. Not only that, I hated that she was throwing her life away.
I silently entered through the window after she left, and went to his room.
“mmm! Can I join to?” I said softly as I pounced on him.
Pinning him down, I started breaking his ribs and snapping bones slowly.
“How dare you defile her you perve!” I shouted at him, listening to his screams of pain.
Then, I ripped his throat out with my fangs.
The taste of flesh and blood was so soothing, it felt good to clense the world of filth.
I was going to make a difference in that girl’s life, I swore it.
My name’s Tera, and I’m a vampire.
Its pretty good so far. What happens next?
Work on your spelling, please!
Beside that, the story seems to be all right so far.
Wow this is amazing this story is really touching.
Chapter 3. The Clensing.
I've been on this earth for 5000 years. I've seen everything and anything you can immagine.
I've seen both good and bad, the beautiful and the grotesque.
But I also know that no matter what a human does, a human can always do something good in place of bad.
Wether or not Olivia takes me siriusly, well, I hope so.
I really don't want to hurt her, but If I have to, then damit I will!
Out on the streets, I walk in the shadows beneath the moon and stars and sky. The air blows against my marble hardened skin, the pale moonlight making it glitter like diamonds.
"Hey! wana have some fun?" a voice says out of the darkness.
I whirle around and see a woman standing there. Not Olivia, but another one of those filthy whores. And damit, she looked a year younger then Olivia.
I grabbed her and put her to the ground.
"You want fun? I'll show you fun!" I hissed at her, showing her my teeth.
"What..I...God!" she screamed out in terror.
"Hmm. This sould be fun. I said cackling evily.
Before I dug in, she said something that most others had.
"Please don't kill me!" the girl said whimpering like a dog.
"And why the hell should I do that?" I retorted back.
"Because, I don't wana die! I wana change!"
"You honestly think you can stop the sinful acts you've done your whole life? You think you can do better?" I asked.
"Yes, yes, I can! I will!" she said, now on her knees and bowing her head as if I were God.
I considered her words, something I usually never did.
Finally, I looked deeply in to her eyes with mine which soffened.
"What's your name?" I asked sofftly, gently.
"Its Alex." the girl said, trembling a little.
"Well Alex, I won't kill you. But I will be watching you. And if you don't keep your word, so help me I will suck every drop of blood from your body!"
Then with that, I disappeared in to the darkness.
True to her word, she did change. I was relieved that all of them wern't like John.
Later, I clensed the earth of 5 others. 3 women, and 2 men. I drained them dry and left them to rot.
They would not relinclish there ways, so, I clensed them of it. They tried to hurt me, but it had no effect.
The next day, I saw Olivia on the streets again. She was doing her thing, stupid girl.
Then, I did something I never did. I clensed someone in front of her very eyes.
Authors note:The last chapter had errors. I'm sorry! I'm not perfect! I'll do better.
Chapter 4. Seeing Is Believeing.
I had just finished with a client and was resting on a abonded park bench. Sex isn't always fun.
Suddenly, a man taller then John came out of nowhere and stood in front of me.
"Hey bitch, I bet I can make your boyfriend seem like nothing." he said. He had a smokers voice.
Before I could say anything, something had grabbed him from behind and had slammed him to the ground as though it were nothing.
Whoever or whatever it was that had grabbed him, I couldn't see right away in the dark. The moon wasn't shinging down in this area.
"What makes you think she even has one?" a voice snarled from out of the dark.
It sounded like a woman, although it was hard to tell. The person growled like a lion about to feed.
I'd seen a lot, but never this.
"Oh think your some fucking hero?" the guy replied, and I saw him kick whatever was behind him.
Whoever it was must be strong because I saw a foot come out of the dark and break his back in one blow.
The man screamed in agony and I heard a cruel, merthless laugh from the dark that sent a chill down my spine.
"You don't have to do what you've been doing, you know Kevin." the person said.
I could definitly tell it was a woman now.
"How do I know you?" she said, "I've watched you your whole life. I've seen what you've done."
"Its never to late to change." she said, soffening up a little.
"To hell with that!" Kevin said.
He tried getting up again, but he immediatly fell back on the ground in pain.
The foot turned him over, and the shadow leaned over him. I could see her now, she was bending over him, a hand underneath his chin tilting it back.
Then, I watched in horror as his blood was drained from him, and the flesh stripped clean from his bones, leaving only the skeleton and clothes.
She turned to me, bloody lips smiling.
Her eyes were black as coal, her hair dark and falling in curtains down her back.
Her face was as smooth as marble and looked like it. She wore nothing.
"You, just killed him! Why!" I gasped in awe.
"I did more then merely kill him, I clensed him of his filth!" she spat.
"Olivia, do you realize what your doing? Your partaking in vile acts! Things that should happen out of love!" she said.
I didn't ask how she knew me, for I guessed like Kevin she'd watched me my life to.
"Please, don't do that to me." I said, "I want to change, really!"
"I think I believe you." the vampire said, showing her teeth in a smile.
"What's your name?" I asked. "Its Tera." she said.
Without knowing why, I embraced Tera like a lover.
It was as though a missing part of me had been found. And we kissed each other passionately in the moonlight. Tungues coiling and uncoiling around each other, exploring, probing.
First delicutly, then roughly. Lips moving like ocean waves against each other.
"God your so beautiful for a mortal!" Tera whispered in to my mouth.
"You are to for a vamp." I replied, pulling her to the earth and beginning to encircle her clit with my tongue.
I entered her hard and fast, and she did the same.
Our climaxes soared, and we came as one, oceans of plesure spilling down our throats.
We then lived together hapily after she turned me of course.
The End.
Authors note:I'm honestly sorry for the spelling! And incase your wondering what Olivia looks like, well, use your imagination! ha!
I thought vampires are evil?
But besides that, it is awesome.
I can honestly say, your descriptive language is great. You're really a tallented writer.
Keep on doing what you're doing, it's great. Nice touch using the new school vampires too.
hmmmmm. well from a writer's view its quite for a first try. however i do see that the chapters have to be a bit informative in the since of backgrown. the love parts are just fine no need for more. just try to write something that can be of use for your readers. let me know if i can be of more help.
I liked it. You could have checked your spelling and made some parts a bit longer, but most of it was good.
I do not like the ending. It was a huge let-down. That ending could have been so much more detailed. It reads that Olivia was turned into a vampire, but how was her transition from mortal to immortal? How did her relationship, besides the sexual one, develop with Tera? When and where was Olivia turned into a vampire? What made Olivia want to become a vampire? The ending was very dissatisfying.
But besides that, the story was pretty good.
That was the point. I was going to write a follow up and fill in the gaps.
Okay. I just wanted to know. It was just rather disappointing. Thanks.
It worked.
What does that mean? Did you like it or not? Just wondering. Thanks for your thoughts though.
Metal Angel, your story is really good, as said before you could elaborate a little more to make the story a little longer, but it is excelent. I'm not a good speller either, am a big fan of spell check. Loved it and look forward to speaking with you sometime.
Thanks. smiles.
Um, hi! I know you just killed someone right before my eyes, but let's do it in a park! It just doesn't make sense. You need to enhanse the chase. If she's not terrified, the readers need to know why. If she is, the chase needs to go on for more than three chapters. You can't write a three chapter book. It just isn't done. I really like this, though, and hope you make it much muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch longer.
I do believe it has potential if you lengthened it and cleaned it up. This coming from someone who has a writer as a best friend. she is excellent but extremely critical and a prefectionist. so I am constantly bombarded with writing tips I don't need.
that having been said, the idea is good one. your sentences are to fragmented though. you can clean that up a little, for example, use less I's. and a story like that really does deserve more length and depth.
no offense meant, just trying to help
that was great. and i am sorry if you can't understand miss spelt words then figure the dam things out.
Metal Angel you might try useing microsoft word and spell checking first. don't worry i am not cridisizeing you in any way shape or form i am just giveing you suggestions nothing more or less.. i enjoied the story though if i were you next time wait until you have all of the chapters then post them all at once because it is a pain in the ass too go from the firt chapter to the second if someone just wants to read the story then they can...
regards,
Jalorna..
and like i said don't worry about the miss spellings. everyone does it even if they think they are perfect in this dam world...
they do just as offen as those of us who try to spell our greatest even if it kills us...
thanks. smiles.
no problem just trying to help... hope you come out with more like this one...
Summary:
Olivia is an 18 year old prostitute.
Who feels as though she’s doing something worthwhile?
She meets someone who will change her train of thought, forever. .
here is the cleaned up version with out spelling errors
Just a thought. Not trying to be too critical, but maybe turn it into a short story, it, in my oppinion wasn't long enough to be a chapter book. Or, elaborate more, and make it longer. Otherwise, it was good.
oops forgot to post the cleaned up version of metel angels story